Sunday, September 16, 2007

Why else would they call it French kissing?

August 06 2006

So I went out last night with two of my favorite people and their friends. Well actually it was more like one friend's friends' cousins and shit. Anyhoo! I had a blast, the venue was Kensington Roof Gardens and it was pretty impressive. On a roof with gardens and music and wine and bars and the standard nightclub part inside with a dancefloor.

It was awesome, I have a new boyfriend now! He's fabulous, and I love him. He loves to dance just like me and we are so on the same wavelength. He's going to be a Dr. Or if life works out the way he wants it, a party planner. Yeah right. Anyhoo, we danced all night. And made everyone around us jealous because of our chemistry and killer moves. Of course since he's so perfect he's only around for a week before he goes back to DC. BORING, I know.

Anyhoo, there was this scene with a bartender where he acted a fool and I called him on his bullshit. The matter wasn't resolved really, and when we were leaving my friend went up to the bartender and apologised for my behavior. Well actually, I went up to the bartender and started giving him an earful, he wasn't having it and neither was I. So then my friend interrupted and offered to pay for the drinks I allegedly tried to sneak off with!

Okay, I did try to walk away with them but only because he was being a prick. I started my order and he walks off, comes back five minutes later with two of my drinks then fucks off to serve some next bitches while I'm still waiting!! Like the fool that I am I stand there waiting for him to pay me some attention and like hear the rest of my order and/or ask me to hand over some money, and I turned to my friend who I call Span because that is her name - and it is rude not to call people by their names - and she said let's just go. I have to say I wrestled internally with the morality of such an act but since the asshole was still not paying me any attention, I decided to do just that. Well, IncompetenceRUs ran after me and had the nerve to say, "Sorry, it doesn't work that way." Like WTF?!? Cocky piece of you know what. If I was really trying to steal the bastard drinks - 2 standard drinks by the way - I would have been a lot faster and stealthier about it than that! And I would have gone for something a little more interesting than gin and tonic & vodka and cranberry.

So back to the post-altercation, altercation... My friend MD (Span's older brother) tells the inexplicably outraged (to an inordinate extent) bartender that he'll beat me for my breach of the bartender/ punter code. Which had me literally screaming with laughter. IRUs took it to mean that I was afraid, I may be biased but I dont't think he was that bright. So he steps in feeling all self-important as MD actually starts to unbuckle his belt and says, "No, there's no need for that, she paid, and the matter is finished." --> Like who the hell does he think he is and how many incompetent bartenders use the word "matter" in a sentence which doesn't begin with "It doesn't".

Anyhoo, eventually MD and I tired of the new improv game we'd devised ExcitetheIncompetentBartender so we went home.

Today, I paid for all my reckless imbibing of wine and gin because I was so hungover my brain was actually aching everythime I had to think. Yeah, something about karma hey? This is why I try to walk on the bright side of the moral line. I don't think it was karma regarding IdiotBartender I think it's karma because I made fun of two strapping blonde-haired lads that were trying to pick me up. Not in a bad way, but in a I've had too much gin and I don't think you're attractive so I really can't be bothered to entertain you kind of way. Yeah I recall telling one of them that I was bored by his lifestory, and asked if he was the only gay in the village. --> I laugh and cringe at the memory too.

That's all for now, I thought I would impart some upbeat shit as opposed to constant bitching about this that or the other.

And yes, I shouldn't get drunk on gin, I'm far too narcissistic on it.

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